We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
being pregnant is like rehab
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize