we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
