I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
