They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
