Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
