there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize