she was so not down for the gang bang
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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