Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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