you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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