He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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