He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
