she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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