He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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