can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize