that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize