a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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