I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
