i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
smell my finger.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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