You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
