At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
