I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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