my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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