rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
