dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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