he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
