Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
