Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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