I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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