Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
