Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
