He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
