The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
