he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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