Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
