I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just googled if crying burns calories
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
