ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
