There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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