I could make wine with my vomit
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
