Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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