she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
