somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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