That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
