I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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