I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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