are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
two words: eviction party
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
