His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How's work?
Spinning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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