don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
