I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
whose parrot is this?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
