It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
