but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
...so i touched it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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