im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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