I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
