I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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