i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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