turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
