i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
