woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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