3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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