you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
