marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
