I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
