I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
