the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We talked him into tasing himself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
