i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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