btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
