i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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