Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mom said you looked used
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
