On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
