WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
