omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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