Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
