I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
