Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
