I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
