so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
