So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
