what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
