who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
