Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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